Step parenting is not easy. When you enter into a relationship with and maybe eventually marry someone who already has children, you are consciously choosing to own some responsibility for and love their children. You often face resistance from not only the children, but also their other natural parent. Add your own children and maybe a step parent on the other side and it can get quite complicated.
Ideally everyone would get along for the sake of the children. Decisions and actions would be made in their best interest. Egos, anger, jealousy and all of the many emotions would be controlled, again for their sake. Alas, that is not the case in many blended family situations.
Back to the dress and my original thought. My first ex husband was not involved with our two children, so there really wasn't an issue there because they were my sole responsibility. However, my second ex husband was involved with our son. Early in our ex status he entered a relationship with a lady who although we didn't really get along, we also weren't catty, we just were part of each other's lives and made the best of it.
As the years went by, I learned to appreciate her, because I realized that it was she who took care of our son when he went for his weekend and summer visits. She cooked him some amazing meals, which he told me all about when he'd return home. I was a bit jealous, because I was at the time, not a good cook. However, the important thing was that he was fed. She would take him to bible camp in the summer and do all kinds of neat things with him throughout the year on his visits. Step-mom was good to my son, which was THE most important thing to me.
Although I didn't realize it back then, my heart was at ease, because probably deep down I knew that should something happen to me, my little boy would be well cared for, because she would ensure it. Just as I know that if need be, my grandchildren's step-mom would take care of of them as she does her own. She did it for year while their mama addressed some health issues, so the proof is there. I was blessed to have two mama's myself.
My experienced advice to you is, if your children do have, or will have a step parent, learn to get along with them. Get to know them as the other parent that will have influence on them. Learn to co-parent for the sake of your children. Your children will appreciate it and not be anxious about the constant quibbling. Trust me, this way is better. We have dealt with both the positive and the negative.
Also, when you make the choice to be a step parent, truly love the children as your own. They will know if you genuinely care for them, or are merely tolerating them. I wasn't perfect, but I did my best and love all of my "steps" and I refuse to refer to them as my step children.
One more thing, make it lovingly clear that you, as the natural parent are not the other parent, you are the parent. To your children, you are not the other mother, or the other father, you ARE the mother, you ARE the father.
Oh, and Little Miss really likes this dress and when she gets complimented on it, she proudly says her step mom made it for her.
Be well.
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